The Wing-Woman Who Needs One Too
I’m happy for my friends.
You see, most of them, if not all, are couples, committed in a relationship or plainly getting there. The past few days I have been thinking why relationships don’t last long for me. I really can’t figure out the main thing but as of the moment, I am trying to believe that I am not ready for any relationship at all. I have been into a few, once or thrice and the longest that I have been is within half a year. That’s quite short but I think that’s the longest one for me. I think if work can count as a “relationship” then, that might be the longest!
But really, when I see people who are happy with each other’s company, I admit there’s a feeling of envy that I couldn’t stop. You know what I mean. The thing is, I can’t look at them straight because I know that deep inside, they just wanted to be together, no matter who is in front of them; they’ll do every sweet little thing they can think of. And yes, there smiles! Oh! Their smiles are superior manifestations of how happy they are with each other.
You might ask me if I myself would want one too, I mean, who else doesn’t? I honestly fantasize the time wherein the man for me will just hug me and cuddle with me even if I don’t ask him to. But the thing is, I think the level of "kilig-ness" that I feel has failed from the time that I lost hope in believing that that L word will come by, finally. It has died down. Bihira na nga lang ako kiligin e, sa celebrity pa.
I thought it came. But everything was a deceit.
I don’t know what I’m talking about really.
A year and a few months back.
You came home but still I haven’t recognized your presence that much. Within the 45 days that you’ve been around, I only have a few, vague memories of you of which I still am not sure if they were true. Time isn’t really enough. And you know what I mean. I even haven’t got the chance to ask you personally if it’s okey for me to “date” again. Hehe. But really, I was still glad you were around.
See you in less than 365 days.
"I really do hope that you’re happy."
A familiar sentence, isn’t it? Well, you might have heard that in a movie. The movie which caused pain and at the same time, caused joy to me. Actually, it was one of my favorite lines among the other heart-wrecking punchlines all through-out that film.
Which reminded me of a few people saying that line to me for the past few days or a person, perhaps, who’ve been saying that to me way back a year ago.
It’s a striking sentence, yes, I know. Which makes you think things and recollect the past. Was I really happy? After all that’s been through, am I really THAT happy? After all the decisions I’ve made, am I happy today?
I know that sometimes, it’s difficult to admit that we are not happy all the time. That it’s okey to frown sometimes and that it’s okey to be weak sometimes. But I hope doing it “sometimes” won’t be something that we do “all the time.”
Perhaps, this line reminds us to be more cautious in the decisions we make in life. It reminds us to remind ourselves to continue what we do, what we like and what we love. It also reminds us to be more patient if that thing (or that person, perhaps), isn’t there yet to complete the happiness we desire.
Somehow, I think, that line reminds us to keep ourselves happy in whatever state we are in.
Kids and Babies
Hi. I am so tired for the past few days. I’m not tired because of work—or let’s say am not tired of my work, I’m just tired because I haven’t been resting properly. I’ve been taking coffee for a few straight days and I can’t get it out of my system, which I don’t like. Think should be getting rid of coffee the soonest.
Also, I’ve noticed that I’ve been shooting kids that are special. You know what I mean. And I don’t know if there’s anything in particular that God wants me to know. To be more patient? Perhaps.
Anyhow, let me share to you some photographs of Elle and me. I took her 1st birthday photos and I really find her adorable. :)
I’ll give you an update
I just wanna sleep. Or not. I’m feeling like a zombie right now. Really. I haven’t slept properly last night. And I am basically having a hard time typing this because I am currently shaking. Ugh. Caffeine is running down my system and it’s keeping me awake for the past twenty four or so hours. I. AM. TIRED.
Lots to do within the day. I just want them to be done.
I’ll get back to you on that. I’ll give you an update. Blah.
Realizations: Going out
That I should give myself a chance to hangout with different bunch of people, in anyway, mingle with new faces and stuff. I’ve caged myself, yes, for a long time that sometimes I’d declare that I’m having anti-social tendencies (in the realm of reality, yes). I have befriended a few folks on the net but really haven’t met them personally. Ironic, it is.
I don’t want to totally shut myself down from real people nor give myself the chance to “hangout” with pretentious mates lurking around the virtual world (yes, I believe there are a few, just so you know), that’s why I have thought of going out, alone or not.
This is not meant to be announcing my whereabouts or who I am with or what I am up to, but it’s just me saying that we must give ourselves the chance to have more “real” and “tangible” friends around the corner, do some stuff aside from chatting via Skype or whatever. I know this might spark a different realization too (if you know what I mean) but somehow, it’s worth it.
Of course, I would love to meet the people I’ve known here, so that might be a good start. Well, really, it still depends. :-)
"Going out" may mean a couple of different things between you and me, so I guess we just have to figure them out ourselves. Mehehe
Anyway, I think that’s it. Ciao.
And so the previous days were so hectic especially now that it’s a weekend and it’s the last weekend of the month! Hurrah! So meaning, it’s June, so meaning, school’s fast approaching, so meaning, kids are going to school and so meaning, I am a few months closer to my work anniversary. WHAT.
Speaking of work, yes, I’ve been working for the past 9 months (wow, thank God I survived this love-hate relationship) and yes, I hope it continues well. I know along the way, there are a lot of challenges to surpass and I hope that I can accomplish them properly.
Been busy here and there from the time I came back from my 5 day leave. BITIN! I still want to have my vacation and randomly, I reminisce my bum days. And that would leave me daydreaming. But nonetheless, I’m quite fine with it. QUITE.
Oh well, I guess I’ll give myself a dose of some geeky stuff. Let’s go Sherlock and Dr. Who!! (Karla Yu and Eva Marie kamo gyuy sad-an ani! Hahaha).
Ay piskot. Ngano man? Sa tanan tanan makit-an, ngano man? Samoka. Haha.
On this day, God wants you to know…
"… that everything that irritates you about others, is your key to understanding yourself.
What angers you in another person is an unhealed aspect of yourself. If you had already resolved that particular issue, you would not be irritated by its reflection back to you.”
This has been a very, very true-to-the-tone quote that I have been needing for the week. Only a few people know about what I’ve been going through especially in dealing with a person who is so much desperate enough to not cooperate. I am not losing hope, I know that this person has been testing me, and not only me, but also the persons who are around me everyday.
Lord, please keep me calm.
Pagkain, Pelikula atbp.
Yes. Opening to closing ang show ko today. Pumasok ng 10am, nakauwi ng 11pm. Gutom. Sabog. Pagod. Pero ayos lang, nakabenta naman. Pag uwi ko, naisip kong matulog na lang, pero di kaya ng konsensya at ng sikmura ko kaya eto, ako ay kasalukuyang ngumunguya ng pancit canton (extra hot) with sunny-side up egg na topping, matching soda. Ayown! Sarap!
At ngayon, papaligayahin ako ni Puss. ;-)
Sometimes walking alone gives me the time to be with my real self. It’s like putting your shoes in a place where everything you’re up to is a mystery. And in every footstep I make to reach my destination, I wish I was somewhere else; somewhere, where I can extend my arms and feel the vast space, to keep my feet from walking and to keep me reaching the place where I wanted to be.
And I think, I just might [actually] like you.
In fact it prompts me whenever you send me messages on Facebook. I jolt whenever I see that small chat-window with your name on it, and the green tiny circle that means you are online. A curve on my lips suddenly forms, unconciously.
It saddens me whenever I don’t see you online, or you don’t reply to my recent message or if I don’t see that tiny green thing beside your name. I am always wondering who you might be with that time or who you are talking to at that point.
Honestly, when you accidentally typed in the wrong message with a different girl’s name in it, I felt bad. I know it wasn’t intentional but I knew that from that time your attention was with another woman. I knew that you were just staying up because you were bored and you just want to have some conversations with people just to kill time and do your thing while online. *sigh* I knew it. Or maybe I just didn’t know you well yet. Yes, I don’t know you well enough.
Maybe when the time comes that I’ll be around in the same place where you’ve been right now, I hope we can have real conversations—not just online real conversations—but personal and more vivid ones.
I think I want to keep some memories with you.
I just want to know you more, that’s it.
And I think, I just might (actually) like you.